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Communication Skills Training….  Why it is Important.

 

You’ve probably been on a  communication course. You may have been on several …?

If the training was good then you will have reaped the benefits already. If not then you have a gap in one of the most important skills that any body can have.

Communication skills are more important than the ability to read or write, do arithmetic or anything else. The evidence for this is that several people I know who are completely illiterate are multi millionaires.

They can’t read or write but my goodness..they can talk….

The thing is this…They talk in a certain way, that gets them all of the results that they want…! Well… most of the time…

Now I’m not saying that the three R’s aren’t important because they are…!

Communication is all about exchanging information. You can receive the information or you can send it. Most people think of talking when they use the word. They think that when you  communicate it is all words.

This myth is partly responsible for a lot of the confusion that exists between people; particularly when there are conflicts ( read, “disagreements” ) between them.

They think that by talking more assertively or louder that they can sort the problems out.

Often The Problem comes back to bite them

You see…

 

If you use assertiveness skills to dominate bludgeon or bully your opponent then you both lose. The other person will only cooperate with you for as little time as they can. They won’t feel good about you and if the truth be known…

you probably won’t feel too good about you either…

Nobody likes to be bullied or to be a bully…unless of course you happen to be some sort of psychopathic kitten killer….

I’ll go into this concept a bit later but first I want to go back to the ways that people receive and send information.

There’s talking and hearing which is known as auditory….

There’s seeing which is known as visual….

There is also smell and taste. Olfactory and Gustatory…

Lastly there is touch which is referred to as Kinaesthetic…

All of these senses are used by you and people like you. You’ve done it so often that it  has probably become unconscious. You’re not aware of it most times. Nor are you aware of the fact that around 87% of your communication is via your body language.

Your voice is the smallest factor in how you get your message across…

Another thing…

They say that seeing is believing….unfortunately this isn’t strictly true…

Around 2/3 of what you “see” is based on information that is already stored in your brain. The brain simply connects to the information that makes the most sense based on what comes in via the visual cortex…

Kinda scary huh…?

 

A good communication skills training will show you ways to be aware of the body language of others and to be able to “read” it accurately; It will teach you how to listen correctly so that you can detect what is really being said: It will give you the skills to respond in the most appropriate way in any situation…

( sometimes that may be by saying “time out ” )

Effective communication training will show you how to discover “who owns the problem” ? And quite often the answer to that question will surprise you…

It will teach you about the three types of conflict and how to deal with each one…including dealing with any anger that you may have.

Most important of all a good training will give you the tools to create the no problem areas in your life where you win and feel good and so does everyone else.

How will you know if you’ve had a great training ?

Well, you’ll be relaxed and confident…in almost any situation.

You will know how to say what you want or state your needs without getting the whole worlds back up..

You’ll be able to create trust and understanding with other people almost instantly…

You’ll probably also be happier, though that is also related to other functions of the brain so maybe take that with a pinch of salt..

You will be clear on your goals and will know how to state them so that you can create agreement with others. ( this skill is great for building teams and friendships )

There is so much more to communicating skillfully that this post could go on for several days….

Right now though I’m going to take the dog for a walk…talk to him…

tune in here regularly as this is just the start of something beautiful…

Now that could be auditory, visual, olfactory or gustatory or even kinaesthetic…

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Why the Art of Approaching Might be for you

Posted by admin On January - 5 - 2009

Body Language. Flirting. Confidence. The Approach. These are just some of the areas covered in The Art of Approaching: How to Meet Amazing Women Without Fear of Rejection, by Joseph Matthews, aka Thundercat.

For example, one of the things women instinctively love in men is exclusivity: the feeling that you are a quality man who is in short supply. How do you get women to think that?

Joseph offers detailed answers: acting mysterious, offering women “secrets”, pretending to not be interested, acting unpredictably, and–really fascinating–”short-circuiting the all-annoying testing mechanism.”

Curious how that works? This book gives you the goods you need to get the women you want.

WHAT I LIKE ABOUT “THE ART OF APPROACHING”

While not as fascinating as books like Double Your Dating or The Tao of Dating, The Art of Approaching is a good value if you’re looking for a bare-bones, honest, and direct approach to attracting women. It’s nearly 200 pages of information ranging from “The Art of Body Language” and “The Art of Confidence,” to “The Art of Flirting”, “The Art of Storytelling,” and even “The Art of Being Social.” In that sense, the information is well-organized and sequential, making it easy to advance up the attraction ladder.

Basically, Matthews delves into topics beyond just how to flirt and how to impress; he goes into the social dynamics and necessary conversation skills you HAVE to have if you are going to successfully attract women in a sexual way. For example, he spends a whole chapter detailing how to tell compelling stories, and goes into tips for an active social life, as well as how to build up your network to make getting a date easy.

This is a big strength, because really, if you don’t know how to interact with people and make them interested in you, how are you going to make WOMEN interested in you? As Joseph notes, “The single biggest, most limiting belief guys have that keeps them from succeeding is the belief that LOOKS MATTER.”

This is, unfortunately, something many so-called “gurus” neglect to tell guys who aren’t “naturals” like them.

Another thing I really like about “The Art of Approaching” is how sympathetic Joseph is to those who aren’t normally sociable. He empathizes with those who are shy, fearful, and anxious, having been those things (and overweight!) himself. So he proves that such things that prevent you from feeling confident CAN be overcome–he tells you, step-by-step, how to eliminate your fears, insecurities, and anxieties. Which, to me, is VERY useful information every good attraction guide should review.

Additionally, Matthews’ writing style is clear, funny, and easily understood. Getting through this book will be easy, and you’ll gain some good understanding of key topics. It’s a good book to begin with as you learn how to make yourself more attractive to beautiful women.

You also learn something many seduction e-books tend to forget: why good communication and conversation skills are so crucial in meeting and seducing women. Matthews gives various scenarios that you will encounter with women, and how to get not only get around them, but also how to turn them to your advantage. I particularly like his tips on teasing and busting balls. It’s good stuff that you can actually apply in bar-room and party scenarios.

WHAT I DON’T LIKE ABOUT “THE ART OF APPROACHING”

If anything, the book is a bit too simple. Those searching for understanding beyond the basics, who want to gain step-by-step instructions on what to say and do, may be disappointed. The book is not too well-presented; for example, there is just too much text, instead of headings and sidebars to make things easier, such as in The Tao of Dating. It would help if the book didn’t read like a novel and instead more like a reference manual.

OVERALL RECOMMENDATION

All in all, however, for the amount of information you get, “The Art of Approaching” is not a bad value. Joseph Matthews, aka “Thundercat,” remains one of the top students of The Game; he’s been to the workshops, started the seduction community from the ground up, and given thousands and thousands of men advice that has gotten them babes they never thought possible.

Especially if you are looking for the basics that you need and not a lot of pseudo-scientific, filler information that you really don’t need, this is the book for you. It’s what you need to make yourself attractive, and little else. And when you think about it, who needs much more?

So if you’re keen to learn more, find out how to attract women now with The Art of Approaching.

FINAL RATING: You won’t regret buying it, but if you’re not willing to give up the bucks, at least try out his fantastic (and very popular) newsletter series.

just wondering, cause i have no contact with girls at all. well i have no contact with guys either, i'm just a friendless person. But i wanna change that. Umm, if you answer dance lessons, i can't cause i have knee injuries.

go work in a restaurant or some place where girls hang out

Coaching Supervision vs Mentoring

Posted by admin On January - 3 - 2009

Supervision is not a new concept. The execution method and amount of supervision required varies depending on the situation. Supervision is necessary as it not only enhances workers knowledge and skills of their job, but also provides psychological support so that they can perform their responsibilities with self-assurance. Supervision also ensures maintenance and implementation of high quality work.

Coaching supervision:

Like other workers coaches also need supervision in order to enhance their skills. However, the supervision given to coaches is quite different from the management supervision in companies. In this competitive world, hiring coaches is becoming increasingly popular; therefore, it is necessary for coaches, in turn, to deliver their best. Hence, they undergo supervision to hone their skills because it allows them to reflect and review their job performance.

Most associations involved in the field of coaching recognize the benefits of coaching supervision. Organizations like European Mentoring and Coaching Council (EMCC) are involved in the promotion of good quality coaching as well as mentoring. They bring together people who buy coaching, and those who give out coaching services, to promote quality. People who buy these coaching or mentoring services gain confidence because they know that their coach is being professionally supervised. This means there will be control over the quality of the services, and the subsequent results. Corporations consider it mandatory for the coaches they hire to come under the supervision of a senior and experienced practitioner.

Mentoring:

Although coaching supervisors and mentors use communication and interpersonal skills, they are different from each other. Even effective mentors need good coaching skills. Mentors are an internal part of any organization. They work without any agenda and people can share professional as well as personal details with their mentor.

Mentors also impart knowledge and skills required to become a professional, along with guidance and emotional support; something that coaches do not provide.

Coaching supervision vs. mentoring:

When supervision is weighed against mentoring, coach mentoring carries more weight. Supervision alone cannot deliver the desired results. Supervision is limited to the process of overseeing the coaches. Whereas, to improve the quality of coaching, proper mentoring is also necessary, because it ensures development on the professional level and provides external support.

Mentors are meant to conversant with their client field to enable them to understand and perform effectively. For a coach to be able to bring about good results, it is important for them to be provided adequate training and education. It is also essential for them to share both professional and personal details to acquire the best advice. The approach ought to be more about self-discovery, rather than mere performance. Hence, enhancement of performance along with personal growth should be the priority. Mentoring plays an important role in ensuring this as the emphasis is based on guiding a person in the right direction instead of providing a list of skills that need to be achieved. Performance skills can be effective only when a person is guided towards it. Mentoring can help you lead your life in a balanced manner.

Comment on How to Cope with Job Burnout

Posted by admin On January - 3 - 2009

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I’m looking to start six sigma training but I want to gather some more info on some of the online training available. Has anybody had experience with any of the online training courses?
Six Sigma is an overrated cult. It cost Home Depot millions of dollars and the CEO his job. It helps people who don’t have common sense.

Secrets to Good Communication Skills?

Posted by admin On January - 3 - 2009

I have trouble connecting with others because Im very shy and I don't have good communication skills. What are some secrets to good communication skills? How do I become a great communicator such as Larry King? And how do I get others to like me? How do I get comfortable in my own skin?

To laugh often and much;

To win the respect of intelligent people
and the affection of children;

To earn the appreciation of honest critics
and endure the betrayal of false friends;

To appreciate beauty;
To find the best in others;

To leave the world a bit better, whether by
a healthy child, a garden patch
or a redeemed social condition;

To know even one life has breathed
easier because you have lived;

This is to have succeeded.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Im really shy too and found that reading books on social skills and friendships was helpful. You have to practice what you learn then get out as much as you can. As a shy person this may be hard work for you but really its the only way to do it.

At the end of the day liking yourself is about living your life in accordance with your highest values, and utilising your best qualities. If you can do this then self esteem will no longer be an issue.

Identify and Avoid the 5th Relationship-wrecking Mistake

Posted by admin On January - 1 - 2009

In the past newsletters, we discussed the first 4 of the 5 most common communications mistakes:

- Case Building is the first choice we are faced with in communication. It is deciding whether we want to build a case against somebody by gathering evidence to be used against them, or whether we want to build a connection with them.

- Story Telling is when we tell ourselves a story about an observation — and then believe it. Somebody glances at us in a restaurant and we decide that they are being critical of us and then we base our behavior on that assumption.

- The third mistake, Message Assuming, is assuming that the person we are talking to actually understand our message in the way that we intended. Or that we understood theirs.

- Cup Stuffing is trying to get somebody to listen to you when they are already feeling overwhelmed - they are in need of empathy before they can listen.

Today we will look at the 5th mistake: The Fatal Fs. The Fatal Fs are fixing, fighting and fleeing. They are a natural progression in the way we normally handle difficult situations.

Every day at your job you are paid and valued by the problems you can solve… and yet, once you go home, solving problems can be a very dangerous thing as far as your relationships are concerned.

For example, your partner comes home from work and tells you about how her boss, once again, changed her job description to include more duties.

She didn’t argue this with the boss, but came home to complain about it to you. What do you do?

Well, the normal reaction would be to offer advice to help her fix the problem. Of course you can see that what needs to be done here. It’s obvious to you…

So you tell her to “Just say no…. Tell the boss politely, but firmly you are not going to do it.”

To your surprise, rather than being happy and thanking you for your wisdom she responds defensively. You’re fixing.

Anytime you offer advice or try to education without offering empathy (listening and understanding) first, you are ‘fixing’ the person. And, unlike problems, people don’t like to be fixed.

When your partner feels like you are fixing her instead of giving empathy, she will become angry and resist the fixing. She’ll explain her side, she’ll yell that you don’t understand, and then you’ll resist this counter attack, and the whole situation will go downhill from there. That’s fighting.

And once you’ve fought over this same argument for about the hundredth time, the natural reaction is to leave the room and refuse to repeat it one more time. That’s fleeing.

So what’s the good news? The good news is that you can stop this progression by giving empathy at the very beginning, before offering education. You can make the decision to stop fixing people and start listening and understanding.

It will take a lot of practice, but it is worth every minute of it.

And how do you give empathy? Through the Language of Peace. The Language of Peace is the process of giving and receiving empathy.

Nonviolent communication has four distinct steps that help people connect: state the observation: “When your boss said …” and then ask, “Were you feeling . . .(sad, frustrated, overwhelmed, disappointed), because you’re needing . . . (understanding, acknowledgement, support)?”

Next make a request. The most useful request is to ask, “Would you mind telling me what you heard me say?”

That way you’ll know if they understood. Plus, just saying the words that connect the feelings and needs can be incredibly soothing to the person listening.

Here’s an assignment: the next time your beloved comes home to tell you about a situation, use the Language of Peace to connect to and understand them.

Ask, “When your boss gives you more work, do you feel frustrated and disappointed because you have a need for integrity, appreciation and autonomy?”

A conversation will proceed from there about what her feelings and needs in this situation. It may take several rounds of questions before you and your partner are able to really connect to her feelings and needs, so stick with it until she has nothing more to say.

Then you might be able to offer some advice about how to have better handled the situation. ask her first, though, if she doesn’t like to hear some advice. If she doesn’t want to hear it now, then at least you know before you start talking.

Not understanding “The 5 Relationship-Wrecking Communication Mistakes” can cost you the love of the people most important to you. We’ve worked with parents who haven’t talked to their grown kids for years over a misunderstanding. We’ve worked with siblings who no longer talk after a disagreement. And of we’ve worked with divorcees whose relationships didn’t need to end, but who didn’t have the communication tools to make it through.

If you’d like to receive the full report on the 5 mistakes, go to the link at the bottom of the page.

You’ll see this is not just a ‘little’ report. This can help you avoid some of the most painful, intimacy-destroying, relationship-wrecking communication mistakes around (I know - I’ve made all of them!)

I realize that even with my great and wonderful teaching skills it will take more than one read-through to really make these skills your own. Read this several times. Read it out loud with your spouse before going to bed, and when you wake up. Take it on your vacation to remind yourself what you really want from your relationship and what you want to avoid….


I usually use http://www.bartleby.com/64/ as a reference when I'm at work for English usage. For confidence, I believe, as long as you know what you're talking about and you can express it well, you're good to go.

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